The Fiendish Plan of Donald J Trump

For more than a year now, the world has been involuntarily captivated by Donald Trump’s campaign for the Presidency of the United States.  He’s never run for elected office before and he’s made mincemeat out of a dozen opponents during the primary campaign to become the Republican Party nominee.

But, having secured that nomination, Trump now appears to be self-destructing in the general election campaign.  Many observers are puzzled by the whole Trump phenomenon and many words have been written about what it may or may not represent.  I wish to put forward another theory…

He doesn’t want to win the Presidency.

Donald Trump wants to lose.

At the outset, Trump declared he would finance his entire campaign solely with his own personal wealth, and in the primaries that was enough.  But now, after the conventions, his war chest is so lean on funds it is practically anemic.  To shore his financial ship up, Trump has been operating to no small degree with subsidies from the Republican National Committee.  He is now running his campaign with somebody else’s money.

But those funds are finding their way into Don’s wallet.  Here’s how:

Whenever Trump is not on the campaign trail, his news conferences take place on Trump-owned properties. These Trump owned properties bill the campaign and Trump pays himself out of the RNC funds.

Whenever Trump travels, he flies in a Trump-owned jet.  The use of the plane and crew and supplies and maintenance are all paid for by the RNC, so Trump essentially pays himself.

He buys little or no media exposure because his sheer outrageousness guarantees him more coverage than he could ever hope to pay for.  If his time in the national limelight begins to dwindle, he just riffs for a few minutes until he’s said something suitably outrageous and he’s back at the center of attention…

A generous number of his innermost trusted staff consists of members of his own immediate family.

Food, drinks and any other amenities are supplied by various Trump-owned entities so most of the campaign consists of Trump’s presidential campaign paying… Trump.

Yes, Don’s stumbled upon quite the little scam. Mr. Trump will go down in history as the first man ever to lose the race for the White House and make money while doing so.

And that is really what this is all about.

You see, as wealthy people go, Don’s not really considered to be all that wealthy. He’s certainly ostentatious, but he’s far from being among the super-rich, and that bugs him, so he’s set upon this antic caper to remedy that to some degree.

And it doesn’t hurt that it massages his ego while he’s at it.

But make no mistake, the last thing in the world Don wants is to actually win the election.

After all, have you seen what kind of money the President makes for what is arguably one of the hardest jobs in the world? Or the kind of hours he’s expected to keep? Or the way every eye blink and muscle twitch is scrutinized by the media?

Don’s made a semi-career out of womanizing; do you honestly think he’s gonna slam on the romantic brakes for the next four to eight (God help us) years?

Or that the press corps is likely to turn a blind eye to the sexual indiscretions of the most beligerently contentious man ever to hold the office?

And then there’s the little matter of performance (we’re back to the political here…)

When you’re the leader of the USA, people, rightly or wrongly, expect results. You actually have to WORK. Long hours, arduous tasks, quite literally the weight of the world rests on your shoulders and its fate hangs in the balance. As Harry Truman famously pointed out, “The Buck Stops Here.”

As it turns out, the only buck Don wants stopping anywhere near him is the one that ends up in his own billfold.

There’s an old chestnut in the world of the theatre: the story Mel Brooks explored in the film and show, “The Producers”, and the similar plot in the Marx Brothers’ movie “Room Service” a couple of generations earlier.

Show promoter(s) collect ten times more in backing than the show needs with the intention of guaranteeing that it flops so fast that none of the backers expect their money back and the promoters can pocket the loot.

And just like in “The Producers,” the guaranteed flop actually becomes a surprise runaway hit and now the promoters owe ten times what the show is actually worth.

Don didn’t expect to get this far; he was supposed to have flopped by now.

But now he’s got the nomination, his ego has been massaged beyond the point of no return and he is at once drawn toward and simultaneously repelled by the prospect that he may actually have to don the mantle of the Presidency and govern.

In conclusion, the whole running for the White House thing has been nothing more than a street hustle that’s gotten away from the hustler and taken on a life of its own.

That the RNC and its constituents have fallen so hard for it only goes to show how those who walk the rarified corridors of power are no more immune to a common huckster than anybody else is.

Pigeons are far from being an endangered species and they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and political affiliations.

And if you think the Chairman of the Republican National Committee is apoplectic now, just wait until he gets a look at his December bank statement!


About jaypochapin

Married adult human male, father, brother, son, writer, voiceover actor and humorist. Frequently funny, sometimes snarky, occasionally profound. Beatles, Stones, Who, Python, Firesign Theatre, Shakespeare, Bogart/Bacall, Marx Brothers, Alice Cooper and more besides. Have worked as many things: traffic reporter, disc jockey, newscaster, interviewer, producer, copywriter, voice over talent, teacher, emcee, housekeeper, janitor, uniformed security officer, bagel baker's assistant and more, but don't let the uniform fool you, baby! I ... AM ... THE WRITER!

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