Think of it as an experiment…
As this humble blog goes careening across the Weird World Web (that is what those three ‘Ws stand for, right?), we will soon be approaching its fourth anniversary.
There’s still so much I do not understand.
Specifically, why am I inundated with offers of webinars, books and classes to help me drive more traffic to my blog?
Listen up, everyone, I don’t want a lot of traffic!
This, this right here, is simply a harmless outlet for my own little essays, frequently peppered with some carefully selected cartoons from artists who largely publish online and see no harm in my reposting the selections of their stuff that I personally enjoy, in their own private dreams of the world beating a digital path to their own online doors.
It goes without saying – up until this dependent clause – that the last thing I ever expect to see is the world beating a digital path to my online door.
Had I ever truly thought it would, I’d be selling my stuff for some Real Money by now and this little diatribe would never have seen the light of your screen.
Believe me, I spent 20 years in American Radio, almost 10 years in TV, and almost every second was steeped in a blind desire to generate the largest audience possible. And in the end, it made no difference how well I had achieved that goal. That career came to a close.
Trust me, large audiences are overrated… and they can be so constricting as to make a python blush.
No, what really baffles me about blogging is the seeming irrelevance of the locations from which my blog is read.
Don’t get it twisted, if anybody at all reads these posts, I figure I’m waaaaaay ahead of the game.
But the assortment of countries often puzzles me.
Since English is my native language, I’m not surprised to see the United States and Canada as the top two countries that read my stuff. But then come Germany and France… Followed by the United Kingdom (for as long as that lasts…) Considerably further down the list come Australia and New Zealand.
Unless you’re seeing this blog for the first time, you know I take an almost unhealthy interest in American Politics.
I suppose many other people are at least as baffled as I am about, you know, that person in the White House.
You know, the one who tweets. A lot.
Sorry, folks, all out of profound insights on that one! Your guess is as good as mine. I got nothin’.
I’ve never thought of my self as racist or sexist. Is there such a thing as “hemispherism”? Almost all of this blog’s readers live north of the equator.
Do my posts somehow subtly signal that I’ve never spotted the Southern Cross in the night sky, or that when I flush a toilet, the water flows counterclockwise?
For the first half of last year, I was seeing a tremendous amount of traffic out of Brazil. I have absolutely no idea why. I’d like to think I briefly benefited from a fleeting craze during which sun-bronzed nubile 17-year-old girls followed my every word while tanning themselves and listening to sambas along the beaches of Rio.
It’s the romantic in me.
It seems I do not appeal to Scandinavian tastes at all. That’s okay; apart from Ibsen, Ingrid Bergman and smoked pickled herring, I can’t claim to admire much there. I don’t even care for IKEA. They can keep their meatballs. If I want to eat something bland, there’s no shortage of American cheese over here.
Also, while I appear to be generally well tolerated on the European continent, nobody in Spain reads my blog. Again, I have absolutely no idea why. I mean, if people in France and Portugal find me acceptable, why should the Spanish shun me? I can’t recall having ever expressed anything even remotely insulting to such a revered culture.
What am I to make of this seemingly arbitrary trivia?
Of course, I am nothing if not mercurial, so that could change at any time. In other words, if you happen to know anyone in Madrid or Barcelona, you may want to tell them to get with the program while I still currently revere them.
The absences of certain other locations I completely understand.
For example, I fully comprehend why nobody reads this in Russia, China, Cuba or the Philippines. On the other hand, I appear to draw a small but devoted readership in Malaysia. Don’t ask me why; no idea.
However, where are the readers in places like Chad, Peru or Sierra Leone?
Oh, Iceland, are you out there?
Come in, Latvia, all is forgiven!
Maybe it’s better this way. Maybe the whole low profile thing keeps me out of harm’s way. Quite possibly there’s a hidden benefit to being too small to be considered worth bothering with?
I think I just invented Humble Narcissism.
Too bad there isn’t a market for it…